The Minecraft Gazette: Issue 1
BREAKING NEWS: The Mystery of Minecraft Mobs Explained Written by Alexis Steven Three days ago, a woman came into my office begging for an audience with the paper. She introduced herself as mob specialist Baabara Cowley, a rising star in the farming industry. She asked for her voice to be heard in the Gazette, and I gladly obliged. Notch knows we need more readers. The interview went as follows: B. Cowley: Everyone knows that mobs have an affinity for appearing out of nowhere. A. Steven: That’s true. B. Cowley: But no one knows why, or how. Until now. A. Steven: *astonished* You found out? B. Cowley: Yes, indeed. It turns out that secret breeding tunnels run under all of Minecraft. Well, not so secret. Players come across caves and such, and they scare away the breeding mobs. These mobs come out into the Overworld. Passive mobs such as sheep at day, and hostile mobs such as creepers at night. A. Steven: Wow. How did you uncover all of this? B. Cowley: My fellow mob specialists and I followed a sheep into a cave, and found its whole family. As in, its WHOLE family. About fifty sheep total and we uncovered the truth. A. Steven: So, the more mobs we kill, the less mobs will breed? B. Cowley: I suppose so. A. Steven: A message to all of our readers - keep slaying monsters! WEATHER: Incoming Hurricane Our very own weather specialist Nimbuster Cumulus arrived early yesterday at the Gazette with an urgent weather warning. “There’s a severe hurricane forming south of Skeleton Point. Villagers are being warned to evacuate their villages and head inland. If you are a player, take supplies and head to the nearest cave system. Once the inside’s set up, block the entrance. When water stops leaking through the blocks, it’s safe to leave.” CURRENT MOB WARS: Spider and Chicken Skirmish Currently, the spiders and the chicken are at war. It all began less than a week ago when a rogue spider attacked the leader of the McChicken clan. The McChickens have declared war on any and all spiders. The nearby Webber tribe is preparing its troops. Their fight will begin at high noon tomorrow at the Flower Fields. Citizens are being warned to avoid those areas for the next week, until all the chaos has died down. EMBARASSED!: Bald Blues Embarassed! is a section of the Gazette where mobs can anonymously send their embarassing moments to be published. This week, an anonymous sheep calling themselves “Bald Blues” has sent in their embarassing story. '' “The prettiest sheep in my *baa* flock is called Lily *baa* Trevans. She’s never been sheared *baa* even once by a player, so her *baa* wool is all *baa* fluffy. One day, I *baa* decided I would try to impress *baa* her. I leapt up to the *baa* side of redacted at request Mountain. Then, I *baa* tried to coolly roll down *baa* the cliff. It all went *baa* well until a player with *baa* shears in hand grabbed me, took my *baa* wool and then ran of with *baa* it! I stood there in awkward *baa* silence, completely bald, until Lily *baa* just started laughing. It was so embarassing that *baa* I left the flock completely and joined *baa* a nearby flock of travelling sheared *baa* sheep. I don’t like my new *baa* life, but until my wool grows back, I’m too *baa* mortified to face Lily *baa* again.'' ASK MISS MINECRAFT: My Best Friend Is A Bat Dear Miss Minecraft, my best friend is a bat. I get teased a lot about it, but I have no regrets about Bradley. What should I do? From Bruised but Batty. Dear Bruised but Batty, Who cares what those bullies think? If you have no regrets about befriending Bradley, why should you change anything? These bullies just have to learn that there is nothing wrong with being friendly with a mob. As long as it doesn’t exceed just friendship, there are no laws against it. Besides, there have been petitions for mob equality and if they succeed no one will even care! “Big Johnny” will be hanging with rabbits in no time! From Miss Minecraft THEME: Mob Equality Every issue of the Gazette has a specific theme. This week’s theme is “mob equality”. There has been a lot of hype on the Minernet about this topic. There are even petitions going around to give mobs rights! This issue of the Gazette has presented both sides of the argument. What’s your opinion on this? We value our readers’ opinions, and as of next issue, we will be adding a Reader Opinions section. Tune in next Sunday to be one the first to receive the next issue! For any comments or complaints, contact our editor, CrescereWolfe. Category:The Minecraft Gazette